A Journey of One

A Descent into the Psyche’s Shadowland

The dream begins with a deceptive sense of solace. The “stray dogs, shabby, dirty, yet very joyful and cheerful towards me” represent a primal, untamed aspect of the self. In the narrator’s profound loneliness, these creatures offer what is so desperately craved: unconditional affection and a sense of belonging. They manifest raw, instinctual joy and acceptance, a balm to the narrator’s emotional wounds. The act of “caressing their curly fur” signifies an embrace of this untamed part of the psyche, a part that is not governed by societal norms or moral constructs.

However, the dream takes a dark and violent turn, revealing the dual nature of this primal energy. The same dogs that provided comfort become instruments of brutal destruction, tearing apart a “defenseless body” with “ferocity yet cheerfulness.” This jarring shift from affection to violence, without a change in the dogs’ joyful disposition, is the crux of the narrator’s internal conflict. The dogs symbolize a part of the self that operates on pure impulse and desire, untethered to a moral compass.

The victim of this brutal attack is highly symbolic. A “girl around sixteen years old, with pale translucent skin, delicate silky texture, and neatly combed long blue hair,” she represents innocence, purity, and perhaps a fragile, idealized version of the self or of femininity. The blue hair, an unnatural color, suggests something ethereal, a dreamlike or fantastical quality. This victim could symbolize the part of the narrator that is being sacrificed or “torn apart” by the more primal, untamed aspects of their nature. It could be the loss of innocence, the destruction of a deeply held ideal, or the suppression of vulnerability in the face of overwhelming emotional pain.

The most tormenting aspect for the narrator is not the violence itself, but their own inaction and the disturbing realization that “Their happiness was more important to me than morality.” This is the moment of horrifying self-awareness, the confrontation with a part of the self that is amoral and driven by a need for connection, no matter the cost. The narrator’s detachment and failure to intervene, despite believing the dogs would have obeyed, underscores a profound sense of powerlessness or, more unsettlingly, a tacit approval of the destruction.

This internal schism is a direct reflection of the waking state of “emptiness and longing.” When an individual experiences such profound emotional voids, the psyche may generate extreme internal scenarios to force a confrontation with the source of this pain. The dream suggests that in the desperate search for connection and an escape from emptiness, the narrator may be sacrificing a vital part of their own humanity or innocence.

The dream has stripped away all self-deception, forcing the narrator to confront a terrifying truth about their inner world: a part of them is capable of observing, and even finding a perverse sense of satisfaction in, the destruction of something beautiful and innocent, as long as it alleviates the gnawing pain of loneliness. The true horror lies not in the dream’s imagery, but in the self-recognition it provokes. The madness described in the opening lines is not just a product of sleeplessness, but of this brutal, internal war where the lines between love and destruction, morality and desire, have become terrifyingly blurred.

David E. Kiefermond